Somewhere deep in a luxurious underground lair, a hand strokes the fur of a cat. A white cat. Except it’s not Blofeld, it’s Boris. And it’s not a cat: Boris is tousling his hair into that trademark mess.
This is not SPECTRE, it’s COBRA. In attendance around the walnut desk are the chief executive of the UK Health Security Agency, the Chief of the Defence Staff, the Attorney General and ‘C’, the chief of MI6. They’re meeting in secret – without any other ministers present – in order to concoct a plan to spread a deadly virus around the world, for the public good. (The room should be smoke-filled, but obviously that’d be implausible.)
The background. For a seeming eternity, the country had been locked in repeated cycles of economic catastrophe, deep in the midst of a public health crisis. Death’s younger brother, who’s still awaiting his performance evaluation, has been stalking the land.
On the table they had the outline of the plan, neatly typed-up and bound with red tape, titled “Operation FAILSAFE”. It aimed to solve the crisis and restore the country to normalcy. A plan so audacious that nobody who heard about it could possibly credit it.
For decades, it’d been accepted practise to release chemicals into the environment – and into the bodies of the populace – to improve health. Fluoride, chlorine, and less successfully the Spice Girls. But now, following a nearly year-and-a-half-long experiment at the super-secret Porton Down defence research establishment, the boffins had hit paydirt. Their mission: to create a new, “safe” variant of COVID-19 that would confer immunity against other, more deadly variants. And they had succeeded.
Beginning as far back as April 2020, the 20B clade of SARS-Cov-2 (a variant then in circulation in England) was sealed for later use, and Porton Down immediately put in an order for a huge quantity of laboratory mice.
Delivery was slow, but as soon as the mice arrived they were all then subjected to an intense barrage of science. Reader, they injected them. And finally, bewildered but impressed, the mice at last gave birth at the beginning of October 2021 to the new “safe” variant. A telephone call was placed to the Ministry of Defence HQ on the super-secret “Brown Line” (so named because you might have to be sitting down to take such a call from a biological weapons eastablishment). Those plucky Brits had done it!
But because they had done it, now this crazy, far-fetched, last-resort plan suddenly needed a decision to be made. Do we release it into the wild? Until then, it had always been thought that vaccines could be found to solve the crisis. But that hadn’t really panned out. Now, approaching the dreaded winter months, would anyone give this plan the green light? Only a dozen people knew about it, thus far. But someday the world might find out, and… well, try explaining that on Marr.
If all went wrong, it could mean disaster. The endless lawsuits, the probable fall of the Government. Not to mention the lasting damage done to U.K. diplomatic relations with other countries baying for blood. To deliberately release a dangerous virus – even one made safer by rigorous scientific endeavour – was a hugely risky undertaking. So, first call the lawyers.
The Attorney General pointed out that the treaty governing biological weapons didn’t apply: the intention was merely “prophylactic, protective and peaceful”. It couldn’t be a crime against humanity: the purposes were benign. And why ask people to come in for jabs, when you can take the jabs to them? But what about the effects of even a benign policy? Could the “virus-as-a-vaccine” even work? Inevitably, human trials had to be undergone before the lawyer could sign off: that would be essential in the event of being found out. This is what lawyers think about.
But the subjects could only be those few who knew about this work. And like Barry Marshall, the Nobel Prize-winning discoverer of the bacterium that causes stomach ulcers, the Porton Down researchers were up to the task. They knew, like everyone, that another lockdown was unaffordable: businesses were on the ropes and the public had had enough. Even they, as public-sector employees, might be unsafe. It was time for a Col. H. Jones-style push to the top. So they infected themselves, and it worked.
But how to release this “safe” variant? They knew that it was infectious enough that even a limited release would be effective; but it couldn’t happen in the U.K.: fingers might be pointed, especially given how Wuhan got found out. It had to happen in a country far, far away.
An automatic door swooshed, and in walked ‘C’. Taking much-needed time away from screening the latest Bond film, he’d spoken to virologists and knew he couldn’t just FedEx it in a package to South Africa. It had to taken there by a human, who had to travel there before being infected and then deliberately infecting themself in-country, thereafter spreading it around widely and making sure the local government labs would be the first ones to discover it. “This can all be arranged,” ‘C’ said, before walking out of the room, his cape flapping in the air-conditioned breeze, dagger at his side.
And so it came to that fateful COBRA meeting at the beginning of November 2021. The air was tense, while remaining sanitary and smoke-free, as Boris uttered the legally non-culpable words: “Will no-one rid me of this ruinously expensive problem?” Not referring to Carrie, obviously. The plan was approved and the rest, as they say, is hysteria.
But by golly, it appears to have worked.
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Claiming ulez has any public benefits is on a par with claiming the Holocaust had some plusses for the Jewish community.
Or Nazi’s built some nice roads.
They did. You can still drive on them. I wasn’t keen on pretty much everything else they did.
I was in a discussion about Clean Air Zones the other day, and decided to do a bit of digging. Deaths from Asthma is what is usually quoted as justification, but these total 1,400 a year in the UK, not in the top 10 causes of death, and less than the excess deaths since lockdown by some margin.
Then I thought I’d compare India, you know with thick smog in the cities and wood and dung fires in the villages. Asthma sufferers in the UK 8% of population, India 3% of population. Curious, don’t you think. I mean, ULEZ and CAZ are all about revenue generation, but I’d like to understand why with filthy air, (and I’m old enough to remember filthy air here), India can have just a third of UK cases. Anyone explain it to me..?
Higher jabbed populations in UK?
Adjuvants are suspected to increase incidents of autoimmune disorders.
This data is from 2016, well before jabs. I suppose I’m curious about our modern lifestyle and intolerance of cold atmospheres and bacteria in general (…kills 99.,9% etc). Is anyone doing grown up research about it, I wonder, perhaps with an unpopular answer.?
I think AYM is right. Adjuvants have been used in vaccines since the 1920’s.
And over the last few years many kids have allergies to peanuts for God’s sake
WHY –
https://vaccinationinformationnetwork.com/peanut-allergy-yet-another-vaccine-related-epidemic-2/
Kids had virtually no immune disorders until after the 1980’s – which coincided with – guess what.
Now nearly 50% of kids suffer from –
Asthma.
Eczema.
Autism.
Obesity
And no doubt cancers in later life – if they get there.
WHY. Wild animals do not suffer from these problems, neither do 3rd world countries (although they are catching up).
I would refer people tp “Vaccinepapers.org” – but that page is no longer available.
I wonder why – nothing to do with bigpharma is it.
May they rot in hell.
Which, by all non partisan accounts, have exploded since WWII; now, what could possibly have caused that?
I suspect the differences between UK and India are linked to diagnosis. I have worked with lots of people who claimed to be asthmatic when the reality was they were just unfit. Doctors are happy to write prescriptions and the ‘patients’ are chuffed to bits to be ‘victims.’
‘Where’s mi puffer?’
How many neo asthmatics had their immune system function tested prior to that prescription? I suspect none.
I know I did not; severe allergies that peaked in my mid 30’s (or so I thought) were attributed to some form of asthma by GP and I was prescribed steroids… had all childhood jabs. Circa 2016 developed extremely severe Anaphylaxis….now every day I have to be on red alert.
Still, to my knowledge, immune system never tested….Ig3/Ig4 capacity? GP now very arsey about ANY testing regimes, and will not consider this course of action until some ill health event occurs – their words , not mine.
Having visited Delhi and seen the summary of the causes of air pollution, the primary one was road dust, by a large margin, followed by diesel particulates because of the mass of very old and unmaintained lorries and buses. Just resurfacing Delhi’s (main) roads and replacing these old lorry/bus engines with modern units would provide a massive cut in air pollution. I would also imagine the situation in Delhi is replicated in most major cities.
I know they built nice roads, that is why I made that remark. —–But I am so glad you were not keen on other things they did. ——-ULEZ is more than just a revenue generator though. It is all part of the GREEN war on cars and on the western world in general.
Very tempted to link that sort of comment with “some thing and someone else” but on balance I will stop there…
ULEZ does not save lives –
leaflet to print at home and deliver to neighbours or forward to politicians, media, friends online.
Muslim Khan lying? Wow. Shocker. Particulate pollution is down 98% since the 70s. There isn’t a pollution issue from cars. They emit trace amounts.
Now maybe address the marketing and terror campaign for Rona and the safe and effective mantras which were splashed everywhere (and still are). Oh wait. People who oppose Pharma end up dying. Maybe pass on that one.
I would vote for a chair, a turnip, or a pile of dogshit before I voted for this parasite.
The dirty little secret is that much ulez funding derives from investors in green energy/battery powered vehicles.
Where does Khan invest his own money?
He loves a one way bet…….
As a chemist in a former life, I had to chuckle at the reference to “reducing levels of nitrogen dioxide (NO2) particles”. I assume it’s just another example of the Telegraph employing technically illiterate interns to comment on scientific matters.
Boris & Khan were both elected on mandates to lower public transport prices or stop them rising. This has caused big problems with the finances, hence the increase in the LEZ to bring in more money.
It has nothing to do with pollution as the cars are not stopped entering but charged to enter.
The other increase in pollution is the slow movement of buses through the City caused by the increase in cycle only lanes, even though buses are the greener solution, as they can transport greater numbers per metre of road space than cycles.
The electoral procedure is also changing in 2024 favouring Khan unless another notable Independent stood on the Left.
Exactly. It was always about money, they just needed a reason for the charges. The fact that if you pay you can enter, even in a smoky fume spouting old banger, completely torpedoes their argument The real problem of pollution is the London Underground.
I despair that Khan could get another term if the electoral procedure changes favour him. He’s ruining the city I was born in and spent a large part of my life in. I haven’t been to London for ages but I remember it with great affection. Getting rid of the Routemaster buses was a major blow.
Why shouldn’t my ex-wife enter London.
Hahahaha! Good one, Roubles 😀
I agree it is very sad and I am fortunate to have wonderful memories of my time in London.
Our world seems to be changing with the young folk no longer having the same need or interest to explore as we had. I do not know why and expect to be shouted down and down ticked for these thoughts.
Good shooting ATR; he did not perform well when he was summoned to a session of ? Westminster Council ? to “discuss” this. The video of the person with the air quality monitor going from road to Underground immediately in the vicinity tells you everything.
How will he be sanctioned; appears to me that the punishment is in inverse proportion; bigger the lie by a person in a position of trust in the tax payer funded public sector the diminution of any sanction shrinks further. Banning from any future public office should be the de minimus punishment to be enhanced the bigger the lie.
Sorry, do you know I thought I was living in the UK for a moment.
Khan lied. Quelle surprise (not).
ULEZ is about control, surveillance, money and forcing poor and marginalised people out of their cars.
Seconded 👍
Passed without a “lobby clearing division”, imho.
Not the first time this man has ‘misled’ in order to impose his own way.
“The Vice-Chancellor of Imperial College, who was at the reins during the Covid modelling scandal and the Ulez data scandal, has been given the biggest pay rise of any V-C in the UK. Her salary ‘bump‘ of £186,000 brings her total remuneration, including salary and benefit, to £714,000.”
Presumably funded by W Gates.
“The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) is set to criticise Transport for London (TfL)”. Criticise!! The ASA should fine Kahn in the form of all ULEZ charges to date being returned to the vehicle owners, and all future ones declared null & void by the same token, effectively scrapping the scheme.