Cases of COVID-19 in England fell again today with 97,770 reported, the first time there have been fewer than 100,000 reported since December 27th and a drop of 36% in a week.
The number of Covid patients in ICU also continued to fall.
Senior Government figures said that it showed the lockdown imposed on the advice of senior advisers before Christmas was working to control the outbreak of the highly infectious Omicron variant, but warned the public mustn’t become complacent and think it is over. “Lifting restrictions too quickly will just result in a resurgence of the virus which will overwhelm the NHS,” Health Secretary Sajid Javid said.
With infections currently higher in Scotland than south of the border, Nicola Sturgeon said that her additional restrictions, requiring people to keep their masks on while eating, was clearly making an impact. “What we need to keep in mind is that the infection rate would certainly be much worse had we not brought in these additional measures. Modelling from Imperial College has shown that Scots are particularly infectious while eating, and without this measure there would currently be 800,000 people in ICU with Covid in Edinburgh alone.”
Michael Gove said: “Some people say that Covid waves just fall by themselves, and spread dangerous ideas online implying that restrictions are not needed to control coronavirus outbreaks. The fact that infections are falling after we brought in restrictions shows the importance of using these tried and tested measures. Government is working closely with technology and social media companies to ensure all dangerous content online is removed.”
The Prime Minister echoed these sentiments. “Thank God I Listened to Neil Ferguson,” he said. “His predictions are always spot on.”
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Nice – for a moment there I thought Cecil was writing atl
No, but I’m going to open a bottle of Victory Gin in celebration
‘Under the spreading Covid Tree/I fooled you and you fooled me.’
That’ll be banned next the victory cigs are already gone.
Boris Johnson later confirmed Carrie thinks his rippling muscle make him irresistible when naked.
Please come and join our friendly peaceful events.
Saturday 15th January 5pm
Silent lighted walk behind one simple sign
“No More Lockdown”
Bring torches, candles and other lights
Meet Corner of Castle Hill & High St,
Windsor SL4 1PQ
Stand in the Park Sundays 10am make friends, ignore the madness & keep sane
Wokingham Howard Palmer Gardens Cockpit Path car park Sturges Rd RG40 2HD
Henley Mills Meadows (at the bandstand) Henley-on-Thames RG9 1DS
Telegram Group
http://t.me/astandintheparkbracknell
Usually satire is indicated by a /sarc at the end of the post
Brilliant! Thanks Will.
What lockdown? Am I missing something?
Yes
The machines only gave me 2 minutes to edit my foolishness out of history!
Have a star for your effort….
Badge of honour in 12 months! Ta very much.
I beat you to it.
Heh, I want one!
As issued by Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, and fully fledged WEF member.
Happens to us all, one time or another.
Well I never read the bloomin’ articles do I?
Oh no, the Moderators are much faster than any machine, and we wanted to make sure it stayed right there! Thanks for taking part in the joke
Ha! You cover over a multitude of sins, I am sure!
It does beg some questions however…
You are fucking kidding!!!
He’s the worst comedy act in the history of piss poor political comedy acts, and there’s been many… He’s going out with a bang, “leave em laughing”
Indeed BB…
Until the UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA) gets disbanded… and is retrofitted back once more to plain ole Public Health England you can safely bet on digital Bio-IDs being a permanent fixture… for accessing any future Govt docx…NHS or welfare help, that and any international travel…
But if that was sarcasm, maybe everything else on DS was?
We’ve been played: 77th counterintel!
Halls of mirrors: get paranoid or assume we’ve all been played and carry on anyway?!
Keir Starmer echoed the sentiments of the Prime Minister, thanking the British public for their resilience but added ‘If only we’d locked down sooner. We could have avoided this protracted winter lockdown, our children wouldn’t have missed out on a vital stage of their education and the miseries suffered by millions could have been shortened.’
Starmer’s the only nob left in the room still believing in it all 10 years on!
very good! Masks on while eating would certainly be one way to tackle the pandemic
Don’t. Did you see the orchestra with slits in the masks of the woodwind players?
I remember Californians eating in restaurants being told to pull their masks up after every mouthful
its like a viz top tip:
Yes and I remember some stupid Hollywood bint have a dog muzzle with a hole cut in it so she could have her martini
I saw a masked schoolboy on the tube with a bag of sweets. Every few minutes he pulled the underside of the mask out and inserted a sweet in his mouth, then let the thing snap back in place. Possibly one of the most dystopian things I have seen.
and it would address the obesity problem to boot!
It would certainly help with the obesity epidemic – and also cut a lot of the supposed covid hospital admissions. Two in one.
very good! Masks on while eating would certainly be one way to tackle the pandemic…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Yes absolutely , this light measure helped enormously in Dan Andrews state of Victoria.
The guilty are clutching at straws as the house of straw comes tumbling down.
Sorry for the mixed metaphors, but you won’t see their feet for dust as the scramble to dissociate themselves from this debacle gathers pace.
Preserve your documents.
Congratulations on using the word ‘dissociate’ correctly.
Unfortunately, Will, it reads like things those buffoons would have said.
If only we had locked down in 1945 we would not have had a case of cold or flu – ever!
I say, this year is flying in quickly. It only seems like couple of weeks since New Year’s Day, and here we are at the 1st of April already!
Every day is Fools’ Day in covvie hell.
It’s officially, we’re governed by the mentally retarded. Jesus, it’s worse than the blind leading the blind!
The trouble with satire nowadays is that the covvibollox is so intrinsically and grotesquely absurd that one finds it hard to boggle at any statement, however.outrageous.
If only… if only….
LOL! A down vote!
At the time the tyrant in the pic seemed a better bet. Rory wasn’t really up for it.
Is that Boris before and after the diet?
What we need to be careful of now – as others have said – is that they dont credit this fall to masks and especially the vaccine passports.
They will , the light touch restrictions have been vindicated as has the Prime Minister’s heroic may I say Churchillian decision to avoid a full lock down this time around, against all prevailing wisdom.
Sadly, not satire:
https://thefederalist.com/2022/01/11/the-people-who-brutalized-children-to-grab-emergency-powers-are-not-experts-theyre-evil/
Crikey didn’t switch my satire detector on for a while, the steam was starting to come out of my ears
lol Mine too – these last 20 months have been so completely insane that I wouldn’t put it past them to try something like this so I was absolutely livid when I read the article – I couldn’t believe what I was reading, I was saying to myself ‘are they f*cking serious?‘
I must admit he had me there for a while – I fell for it … hook, line and sinker.
Well done Will.
Cases falling has nothing whatsoever to do with any government policies. Had lunch in a cafe today, packed out, very few mask munchers, paid cash, nothing different from 2019.
Every one of them is one too many. People who sit at a table in a pub, stand up, put a mask on and walk to the counter to order a drink, walk back with the drink and the mask on, sit down and take it off again ought to have their mental sanity wrt managing their own affairs questioned.
Don’t forget to take a test to protect others from your selfishness;-))
In a world where the Babylon Bee is now the world’s most accurate forecasting website, most of this could come to pass within days.
Haha, had to read that twice. Only two possibilities, actually only one. Co written with Boris? precis:- ‘Had enough, I’m off’.
And yesterday, Karl Lauterbach, Germany’s most profilific hamster of doom turned health minister, said the English policy of allowing people that much freedom despite …., was, in his opinion, clearly amoral (unethical being the actual term he used). I mean, imagine people being allowed into bookstores without showing proof of vaccination first! Surely, the world must fall apart when degnerated perversions like that are allowed to continue!
Blimey! Please don’t do that again. My blood was boiling as I read through thinking that despite the entire covid emergency narrative crumbling the government were doubling down on their lies to claim lockdowns work. The scariest thing is that it was totally believable. Your madness is nothing compares to theirs. 2 doses don’t work but 3 doses do. Covid doesn’t effect kids but give them a medicine anyway even though it might effect them in the short term and no idea about the long term. You can’t make this shit up. But then you just did. Brilliant. Made me cry with laughter. Drop them in every so often and keep us on our toes. I love it. Maybe you should setup dailysatire.org I’m available for hire.
Love it
Incredible scenes in Bulgaria –
Security forces have barricaded themselves inside the Bulgarian parliament with MPs while protesters outside the parliament demand the end of the covid policy.
Protesters broke through the police cordon in front of the parliament and tried to gain access to the parliament.
https://t.me/thefreds/2111
Was Donaldov Trumpovitch inciting insurrection?
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Sorry, but this is cr*p.
Right now we should be just stating the truth , over and over again.
How charming that the UK government is working with big tech and social media in just the same way the illegitimate Biden regime is.
I had a satire detection malfunction until i thankfully read the last line!
According to the latest DM rumours, there will still be much clinging to narrative at the end of the month. Vaccine passports may go (as self-evidently useless), but “masks in public spaces” may continue (despite self-evidently useless).
How much quicker could the Omicron spike have gone up, in their view, if masks had not been mandated? And do they really believe it has peaked earlier because of them?
I’m disappointed to see Toby headining this piece using the word cases for positive tests. As I have said before, a case is a tested infection with symptoms that need treatment. Doctor Alan Mordue makes this clear in his piece earlier in today’s Daily sceptic. I am reluctant to criticise when Toby does so much great work on this site, but refering to positive tests as cases is wrong and as sceptics we should not fall into the trap set by the government in using the wrong term to continue to make things look worse than they are. Many people tested will not have symptoms or have even known they would test positive without having been tested. As happened to a friend of mine quarantined in Barbados for 10 days at great cost after a positive test on the day he was due to leave. During his quarantine he had no symptoms at all and thus was not a case.
Even if satire: “Michael Gove said: “Some people say that Covid waves just fall by themselves, and spread dangerous ideas online implying that restrictions are not needed to control coronavirus outbreaks. The fact that infections are falling after we brought in restrictions shows the importance of using these tried and tested measures. Government is working closely with technology and social media companies to ensure all dangerous content online is removed.”” Is Gove serious?? Hasn’t he seen the data that shows ‘cases’ were reducing BEFORE lockdowns were introduced? And they wonder why we don’t trust them any more!
Total prick. And professional ‘debating society exercise’ liar.
We all know the REAL lockdowns were pushed as early as possible before infections were going down. We have endured Plan-B which is not really a lockdown (just really annoying and not doing much, anyway)!