The A-Z of Woke: Your Essential Guide to the Language of the Permanently Offended

Obscuring weak arguments behind baffling terminology has long been a woke tactic. In the Mail, Andrew Doyle offers an A to Z guide to decoding its strangest phrases, from ‘white tears’ to ‘misogynoir’. Here’s an excerpt:

A

Allyship

The practice of advocating for people from marginalised groups and basking in the warm glow of their oppression….

B

Birthing Person

Often found in NHS maternity guidance, this is a euphemism for ‘mother’. The idea is to avoid upsetting those pregnant women who think they are men.

C

Chestfeeding

Also to be found in NHS guidance, this is a more sensitive alternative to ‘breastfeeding’ that doesn’t offend trans patients. The downside is that it sounds like something that might occur during a zombie apocalypse….

D

A form of protest that seeks immediate change through disruptive acts. In practice, this usually involves tearing down statues, throwing soup at priceless paintings, and striking female police officers with sledgehammers. All of which apparently makes the world a better place.

E

Ecofeminism

The school of thought that links the subjugation of women with the exploitation of the environment. Woke analysts have predicted that in the event of a global apocalypse and the annihilation of humankind, women will be disproportionately impacted.

F

Fat Activism

Social justice advocacy by those incapable of marching in its name….

G

Gender Segregation

The practice of excluding trans women (ie men) from women’s sports, prisons and hospital wards. The woke consider any form of gender segregation to be the height of bigotry; except when it comes to mosques, in which case it’s empowering.

H

Hate Speech

Any speech that woke activists hate.

I

Internalised misogynist

Any woman who has absorbed and adopted sexist attitudes or prejudices against women. In other words, a woman who won’t comply with what woke campaigners tell her to think….

J

Justice

The pursuit of equality and fairness through the vigorous re-education of people with incorrect opinions.

K

Kink-Shaming

Criticising or mocking someone for their unconventional sexual preferences or practices. So if you laugh at a man parading on all-fours down the High Street in a studded PVC alpaca costume, you’re as bad as a Nazi.

L

Latinx

A term used by woke white people to describe the Hispanic population in an effort to empower them. The latest Pew Research Center survey found that only 1% of US Hispanic adults preferred the term, which the woke naturally interpret as evidence of internalised racism….

M

Misogynoir

A term invented by French feminist scholar Moya Bailey to signify a combination of misogyny and racism. The obvious alternative would have been ‘misoism’, but that sounds like a hatred of Japanese soup….

N

Neurodiversity

The idea that differences in how people think, learn and process information are natural variations in the human brain. This applies to everyone, of course, so really it’s a label used to reframe ADHD, autism and dyslexia as identity categories that confer social status….

O

Oppression

When there is a lack of vegan options on the menu….

P

Polyamory

The freedom to renounce oppressive sexual norms and have multiple partners. In other words, it’s a way of cheating while still calling yourself virtuous and brave….

Q

Queers for Palestine

A group of activist homosexuals and their allies who see no contradiction whatsoever in supporting a culture that would like to see them imprisoned, tortured and executed. See also: Turkeys for Christmas.

R

Reparations

Payments intended to redress past injustices such as slavery or colonialism. To put it another way, it’s financial compensation from the innocent descendants of the oppressors to the innocent descendants of the oppressed, in settlement of crimes committed by the dead against the dead….

S

Structural Inequality

Unfair differences between groups that are built into society’s institutions or systems. It’s a term used by woke people to denote examples of inequality that only they can see.

T

TERF

Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist: a term for women who reject the inclusion of men who identify as female in their spaces. In woke parlance, this is a handy synonym for ‘witch’ or ‘uppity woman who won’t do what she’s told’….

U

Unconscious Bias

Prejudice that influences someone’s judgments without them being aware of it. These thoughts are usually so hidden that it requires an overpaid consultant with a degree in Whiteness Studies to tease them out.

V

Virtue Signalling

Boasting about your own impeccable virtue, usually on social media. It’s a way of demonstrating to the world that you are a good person without having to do anything at all.

W

White Tears

A disparaging term for expressions of distress by white people, especially when facing accusations of racism. As Robin DiAngelo argues in her book White Fragility, all white people are racist, and when they get upset at being accused of being racist that simply proves that the accusation is true….

X

Xenophobic

A fear of foreigners. Or a useful alternative for the woke when calling everyone racist all the time starts to feel repetitive.

Y

Your Authentic Self

The person you know yourself to be, regardless of how the world sees you. For example, Rachel Dolezal overcame the hurdle of being born to white parents to become president of a chapter of the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People). She achieved this through a combination of sheer determination and bronzing pearls.

Z

Zero Tolerance

A woke HR policy of allowing no exceptions or leniency for offensive behaviour. In other words, a policy that promotes tolerance by refusing to tolerate anyone who falls outside the approved definition of tolerance.

Worth reading in full.