Concentrations of atmospheric CO₂ have been in long-term decline since the start of the cretaceous period. Science tells us that the threshold below which plant life can no longer perform photosynthesis and at which all plant life will cease stands at around 150 parts per million (ppm) of atmospheric CO₂.
It’s time to end the famine and increase the one component of the atmosphere that is definitively ‘green’. Save the planet from the 150 ppm ‘extinction line!’ Go CO₂↑
While CO₂ levels have recovered a little from an estimated 280 ppm in 1800 to 420 ppm today, to make up a fragile 0.04% of the atmosphere, there’s no room for complacency. The virtuous circle by which ancient plant life provides abundant energy while emitted CO₂ develops new green plant life must now be permanently secured.
Yet the required action will never come about if we resort simply to public persuasion or to open debate. The extinction line emergency justifies professionally-devised population-level behavioural change interventions and a direct approach to decision-makers.
We will create an invitation-only international symposium, the ‘Club of Miami’, targeting ambitious public figures and any looking to spice up their careers with the promise of an informal brotherhood – one which hands them the keys to global salvation. They may notice that while they have been invited as leaders to watch, other contemporaries have not. In time, the membership net will widen to include the overlooked – and all will believe. If the former French President Francois Hollande can publicly warn, as he did in 2015, that earthquakes will increase due to anthropogenic climate change, the lesson is clear: the cart of truth rattles behind the horse of opportunity.
For an elected politician, the pain of ‘might have been’ runs deep but cannot compare to the anguish of ‘so very nearly was’. King across the water, prophet without honour, voice crying in the wilderness – having portrayed himself as all of the above in his propaganda masterpiece An Inconvenient Truth, Al ‘the Pardoner’ Gore surely has another great cause left in him. At the Edge of the Line will be the movie of 2025 and Gore’s resolute countenance will peer out at us once again from the posters.
Other avuncular yet unworldly public figures who see themselves as guardians of nature, such as Sir David Attenborough, can then easily be enlisted. Consider the case of TV celebrity Bear Grylls, who flipped from advocating veganism in 2017 to campaigning today for an all-meat diet. His Majesty the King of England, defender of the planet if not the faith, can, in time, be recruited to the cause.
Once influential figures are in place, a million conversations will propagate the message: “Look at those roses that didn’t bloom in my garden this year and last – Go CO₂↑”; “The poor maize yields in Zimbabwe, worsening over recent years, there you have it… Go CO₂↑”
A million young eyes will roll heavenward at any hint of dissent – “So you want the plants to die??”. Photosynthesis deniers will be firmly banished, never to teach or speak in public again. Professionals of all kinds will soon fear to be thought ‘photophobic’ by their peers. Celebrities are to be smeared as ‘photophobic’ particularly if they have not even uttered such a heresy, the more effectively to intimidate those who might. Representatives of poorer regions of the world, dependent on agriculture, will be paraded at the ‘Club of Miami’ to tell us about life at ‘the edge of the line’.
We will need a ‘prophet child’. One will naturally emerge; a young woman to warn her contemporaries not to have children as the CO₂ to support them is soon to run out.
Go CO₂↑ will never put economics above human life. Measures to accelerate human CO₂ emissions must be funded by more and more Government debt. U.S. Government liabilities of $33 trillion are of no consequence when compared to the extinction line emergency.
The U.K. will lead the world with a raft of bold policy initiatives to be cemented in legislation. A NET 500↑ policy agenda will do what it takes to raise atmospheric CO₂ to 500 ppm by 2027. Nuclear power plants are to be disconnected from the grid and re-purposed to generate CO₂ day and night, through a conversion process yet to be invented. A Go CO₂↑ green jobs revolution will be proclaimed, along with an academic jobs bonanza to fund Go CO₂↑ research and shut out photosynthesis deniers. Under NET 500↑, any use of wind and solar to generate electricity can be offset by the purchase of private jet hire vouchers or credits to burn coal in Germany.
CO₂ burning generators must be fitted to all wind turbines and solar facilities by 2024. All ‘renewables’ are to be fully phased out by 2026. Homes must be heated either by gas, oil, wood or coal and heat pumps banned. A moratorium on will be imposed on battery research to secure a CO₂-intensive energy base-load and all electric vehicles, including milk floats, will be banned by 2030.
As the philanthropist Bill Gates himself points out, gasoline is cheaper per gallon than milk or orange juice, yet a gallon of gasoline contains more energy than a stick of dynamite. At the global level, up and coming local government officials will be invited to the ‘Junior Club of Miami’ (JCoM), to plan the reordering of our cities around petrol engine use. Local fines on electric vehicles can be levied to fund CO₂ emission projects. In future, security cameras can exclude electric vehicles from urban areas using software derived from Chinese Government technology.
February is to be ‘Carbon Pride Month’, celebrating the benefits of fossil fuels to humanity. At June 2024’s Carbon Pride March members of the LGBTQIA2Spirit+ community will wave plastic sex aids made from petrochemicals and NHS intensive care staff will display life-saving plastic implements as they march. JCoM leaders will encourage youth initiatives in their own countries. ‘Don’t Starve Granny – Go CO₂↑’ badges will be issued to children.
The Go CO₂↑ upward arrow ↑™ can be easily added to any corporate logo to indicate, at no cost and at no sacrifice, your organisation’s commitment to the future of life on earth. Encourage your HR team to sign up today for the NET 500↑ agenda!
The world stands at the edge of the exctinction line. We peer over a precipice, but it’s not too late to save our childrens’ future. Go CO₂↑
Chris Larkin holds a PhD in the cognitive science of photosynthesis denial from the University of Central Australia where he founded the Centre for Behavioural Intervention.