Spare Me Another Pride Month!

Are you aware? Really aware? Or are you like me, struggling to keep up with the blizzard of social and political awareness events that bring a rich texture to our lives?

Do you worry that you can’t recall if Black History Month – that time when I approach my BAME colleagues with even more reverence than usual – is in June or July? Are you confused as to whether Pride Month and LGBT History Month are the same or distinct entities? Have you kept pace with the latest incarnation of their life-affirming, multicoloured flag? Does your wife frown at you because Menstrual Hygiene Day has passed you by? Have you forgotten World Alzheimer’s Day again? Then worry no more – help is finally at hand, in the shape of the Awareness Calendar, your one-stop source of those important dates that can be handily pinned to your fridge door.

The calendar, stuffed tighter than a drag queen’s corset, is a golden treasury of opportunities to remind yourself of those burning issues that might otherwise have easily slipped away in the busy working week. Are you that loser who still carries your butty box around in a holed plaggy Co-op bag rather than one of the several ‘Bags For Life’ you have crammed into a kitchen cupboard? Plastic Bag Free Day on July 3rd has got you covered. Still hyperventilating about CFCs’ part in the destruction of the planet? Then the International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer on September 16th is your thing. Or perhaps you are racked with guilt by your mindless mowing down of a squirrel on your journey into work? If so, Animal Road Accident Awareness Day on 10th October ought to assuage (or heighten) your remorse. Perhaps you’re tormented by the knowledge that you once slurped through a single-use straw in 2015? World Refill Day on 16th June has you in its sights. Or maybe you’ve let yourself down again with incorrect pronoun etiquette? International Pronouns Day on 21st October is waiting to correct you.

Schools, colleges and, I suspect, many large institutions love this endless parade of themed months, days and observances, each demanding veneration and performative allyship. Black History Month is huge in my school, with each department being tasked to create displays that look to “celebrate the achievements, history and contributions of Black people”. In my leafy shire, largely untouched by the ‘diversity’ of urban centres (unless you include the burgeoning numbers of Hong Kong Chinese), this is a task that feels entirely performative and strange. Consequently, English display boards are adorned with the stately Maya Angelou who gazes down imperiously on the bemused in every classroom. The occasional working-class writer might have more resonance to some of our kids, but good luck finding an image of a D.H. Lawrence or Shelagh Delaney.

The English department can, however, ace Pride Month – there’s never been a shortage of gay wordsmiths throughout history. But pity the poor maths students who will discover that a single omnipresent image of Alan Turing does an awful lot of heavy lifting in their discipline.

I console myself with the thought that all this virtuous bluster is altruistic in origin, shining a light on overlooked issues. But in reality, it’s catnip for middle managers desperate for something – anything – to put on their annual appraisal under ‘Diversity and Inclusion’. Consequently, in its smothering ubiquity, it ends up diluting anything good into mere background noise. When every day is somebody’s awareness day, none stand out.

A quiz to finish: how many of the following awareness days are real and how many the product of my fevered imagination?

• Winnie the Pooh Day
• World Hand Hygiene Day
• Gypsy Roma and Traveller History Month
• International Kissing Day
• World Town Planning Day
• International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Answer: They’re all real. Haharrrr, me hearties!

Dave Summers is a Sixth Form teacher and his name is a pseudonym.