It’s an alarming realisation that one is wiser than Chris Whitty, the Chief Medical Officer, and Rishi Sunak, the Prime Minister. But there it is. I, an ordinary woman trying to raise a family and working part-time to support children who find school difficult, appear to be wiser than Rishi and Whitty. I expect you are too. How can this be? Both chaps are well educated and at the top of their profession. Both foolishly failed to realise that lockdown and furlough would destroy the public, political and economic health of this country, whereas I didn’t. I’m sure the flurry of furious emails I wrote to my MP, Steve Brine, on the issue contributed to his standing down at this election.
I feel like one of those Marvel characters who suddenly discovers they have secret powers. It’s a terrifying responsibility. What if I’m right about other things too?
“No, my love,” admonishes my husband with his head in his hands, “You have not got superpowers.”
I whisper to myself, nevertheless: I am wiser than the Prime Minister. So, here goes. Five ideas for Right-leaning election advisers:
1. Get rid of all Net Zero pledges – Historically countries only succeed if they have cheap and abundant sources of energy.
2. Always do what Peter Hitchens advises – Work tirelessly against Labour. Never forget they wanted longer, harder lockdowns. Relentlessly reveal Starmer’s blood-red socialism. Just because things are terrible, does not mean they can’t get worse.
3. Take down Wes Streeting – He may offer sensible sounding ways of improving the NHS, but he was also Head of Education at Stonewall. Someone at CCHQ or GB News or Order-Order needs to investigate exactly what he got up to there.
4. Show utter disdain for any talk of ‘The Muslim Vote’ – To classify people according to their creed or colour is antithetical to all decent people. It is patronising. We don’t assume Baptists or Methodists or Hindus or Sikhs, or those dreary folk from the Humanist Society, would dream of voting en masse. Muslims are individuals too, and to treat them as a bloc vote is disgusting.
5. Be on the side of truth – Ask Lib Dem prospective candidates repeatedly whether they agree with their dear leader, Ed Davey, that ladies can have penises.
Goodness me – what if that is all it would take to win an election? Where next will these powers take me?!
Joanna Gray is a writer and confidence mentor.
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