The Foreign Secretary speaking to a House of Lords Select Committee said the following:
It is unacceptable for any group of people to have lived with no state for longer than I’ve been alive.
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Thank you, Will Jones – Enough chuckles to last until tomorrow morning, when Normal Service of the Absurd will resume across all mainstream media outlets.
But will we notice?
I like to delude myself I’ve still got enough senescent marbles left to spot a load of spheroids.
I was convinced the one from labour about us all been better off from today was an April’s Fool but I suspect they actually believed it.
You know the problem is that the country and the west is so fd up now, any one of the above could be true, because its now the reality of everyday life in this country.
”…late-onset bingo addiction…” LOL.
Well it may not have been filmed in April but this is definitely a fool. What a total plank. Does sum up the clown show that is the British police, though;
”Dystopia. Not in the future. Now. Today. As ravaged, deeply corrupt England slowly exits Western Civilisation, this image of a police girl playing in the ruins is emblematic of a once powerful empire in its flickering, dying days.”
https://x.com/PWestoff/status/1906663487675224517
Thumb up for highlighting dystopia, thumb down for Decline and Fall.
I am sure that the inclusion of one of these was actually a joke in itself, I have my favourite but what’s yours (“mine’s a pint” is not an acceptable answer).
The first one can’t be true because they let all and sundry into the country, and still do.
” Police officers have been told they must make clear to suspects that they are not playing an April Fool’s Day joke on them”…….Reminds me of back in 1998 in the local pub, plod walks in and asks for a chair, one small time crook refused to hand him a chair arguing why he wants it……Turns out it was the 18th birthday of some young lady and he started stripping off.
““an alarming deficit of canine respect towards Phasianus colchicus”,I blame the Romans!
” Islam was totes relaxed about sodomy until the wicked Christian British Empire came along and inserted homophobia”
I think you should be referring to India in colonial times that started to stamp out the fags.
I was momentarily taken in by the petrol tank one, as it aligns with the other crazy ideas from Miiliband. But please be careful not to give him any more ideas!!!
Here’s a cracker, not yet confirmed…
Arooj Shah, Oldham Metropolitan Borough to be made a Dame. This is so ridiculous I fear it may be true. “Unofficially” married to Irish Immy who has in the past acted as a getaway driver for Dale Creggan who is known as the man who blew up two young lady police officers.
Oldham – class.
King’s Birthday Honours. Chuckles loves the muzzies.
And Irish Immy is currently coining in taxpayers money providing hotel accommodation for the Calais Yacht Club “visitors.” The shisha bars are obviously very profitable.
There is real problem in producing satire nowadays – the various pronouncements of governments, charities and activists are often so weird that further parody is impossible.
In which case can I ask that for one day a year all virtue signalling, excessive emotional bullying, and other ‘Critical’ speech is suspended?
Let’s make the 1st of April STFU day.
I’ve just read that Toby sat on the Labour benches in the Lords until that slight error was pointed out to him. What at first seemed like an April 1st joke morphed into a jolly good idea. I’m sure the Tory Whip was part of the ‘deal’, but he could have instantly gone down in the record books as holding the fastest ‘crossing the floor’ in history. As one Labour Baroness once told me “we’re all nice in here” so he would have been made welcome I’m sure. And he could launch straight into a new publication, ‘The Parliamentary Sceptic’.
Chuckles duly savoured, thank you again, Dr Jones. This old wrinkly awards Roger Watson’s mini-series Senescence the April Fool Gold Cup, sponsored by the mineral giant Iron Pyrites Inc.
.
What clinched it for Senescence was, “the mobility scooter-mounted camera, which gives viewers an unblinking look at the slow, meandering horror of a retirement gone rogue.”
Commendations and Fools’ Gold Stars for the Two Old Geezers, Country Squire, Telegraph, Spiked, Dan Wootton, FSU and the mole at DESNZ. All other entries disqualified for preceding the Fools’ Cup deadline.
BBC Verify and Mail recommended to undertake mandatory Authenticity eLearning ahead of next year’s annual competition. Guardian’s horse reported bolted decades before even reaching the track.
Senescents of the world unite. All our remaning marbles have left to look forward to is passing on to bright young things the time-honoured national attributes of irony, wit and taking the incontinence out of ourselves before the incontinence jumps the gun and does it for us.
Maybe I’m just not in the mood, but April Fools jokes seem like a thing of the past, associated more with a strong common culture rather than a country on the brink of cultural, institutional and perhaps societal collapse.
Police catch real criminals….April Fool.
Allison Pearson. in her Telegraph column today. highlights all the ‘April Fool stories’ that are actually true, including In an even more sinister development, a Hertfordshire county councillor, Michelle Vince, warned by police that she could be investigated if she continued to help the parents who had been arrested for complaining about the head teacher appointment procedure.
The sad thing is, I can’t tell the real ones from the fake! All but the quality street one. Bertie Basset gave it away! Can you update on the rest?