DEI Is Dead. Long Live HR

This was the siren call of the HR executive as she used to emerge from her office next to the staff kitchen: “Hey, you will never guess what has just happened.” Whenever she’d hear anyone coming up the stairs she’d saunter into the kitchen for a good gossip. Through these various conversations, I learned: a gentleman in accounts was undergoing treatment for breast cancer, the then CEO of the company had achieved her position through an office coup and one of my team had spent a night in the police cells. From these encounters, I learned two things:

That perhaps HR executives had too much time on their hands
My own moral cowardice. I should have stopped her mid-flow and suggested such talk was ‘inappropriate’ – the dread word of all HR issues. Of course, I didn’t because I wouldn’t have been able to bear the social cringe, and I loved a good gossip as much as the next fishwife.

It has long been my contention that this EDI business has only been able to flourish because the majority of sensible people wanted to avoid awkward conversations. What person with children and a mortgage was ever brave enough to say to a bright-eyed HR exec, “Um… you know, I’m not sure about this business of being racist against white people in order not to be racist/sexist against men in order not to be sexist, etc.”

And yet, with Harley Davidson and Jack Daniels binning their diversity targets, there are signs that this misguided oil tanker might slowly be beginning to turn. As American universities are no longer allowed to allocate affirmative action places, surely British academia and industry will eventually follow, and we will revert to a merit-based system. With three sons about to launch into the world, I have skin in the game. I am very happy for them to fail but only on account of their own vast incompetence, not because they are unable to tick a diversity box.

But the question remains, how will HR departments fill their time if eventually stripped of diversity targets and various ‘Womens / Muslim / Black / South Asian / LGBTQ+ and other exclusionary networks are dialled down? Something other than office kitchen gossip must fill the void.

I suggest instead that HR departments organise an exciting suite of genuinely inclusive networks and office clubs that will both create company cohesion and, most importantly, keep HR executives feeling busy and important. Let HR execs establish and celebrate company-wide clubs for everyone to enjoy: five a-side-football and netball teams, cheese and wine appreciation, a company choir, yoga, history and art clubs, an amateur company orchestra, Warhammer, origami and so on. This way, people at all levels of the hierarchy can enjoy each other’s company based on their interests, not immutable characteristics. HR departments could get competitive with each other about who offers the most exhilarating raft of clubs. Articles could be written in HR Magazine about how the CFO changed from scepticism to supporter after enjoying ‘How to Master Watercolour Club’ and realising how much more productive the company was becoming. After years going mouldy on social media and slumped at the desk working from home, people will love these exciting in-person activities. The HR execs can couch it in terms of ‘staff wellbeing’ and ‘community cohesion’ and write flashy updates on LinkedIn about how varied and diverse their company clubs are.

Most importantly, rather than sowing company and countrywide division and strife, HR departments will remain busy booking sports pitches, inviting guest speakers and making sure enough trays of sandwiches have been ordered. Seriously, what’s not to love?

Joanna Gray is a writer and confidence mentor.