The renowned amateur naturalist and honorary doctor, Mr. Christopher Packham OBE has recently caused a minor stir in these quarters by alleging that the Daily Sceptic is sponsored by Big Oil. Along the way he called this magnificent organ ‘the Daily Septic’. Now it is not clear whether this was ignorance on his part, or abuse, or a consequence of the charming sibilance of speech which surely contributed to his selection by the BBC nearly 40 years ago as the face of HOW CHILDREN OUGHT TO UNDERSTAND NATURE. Alas, I was one of those children.
Anyhow, I think he is onto something. Perhaps part of our job here is to deal with ‘sepsis’. I consulted my computer dictionary and found the following definition of a ‘septic tank’.
A septic tank is an underground chamber made of concrete, fiberglass, or plastic through which domestic wastewater flows for basic sewage treatment. Settling and anaerobic digestion processes reduce solids and organics, but the treatment efficiency is only moderate. Septic tank systems are a type of simple onsite sewage facility. They can be used in areas that are not connected to a sewerage system, such as rural areas.
Well, what is the Daily Sceptic but a septic tank in which we are trying to deal with ideological sewage? What are we but disaffected souls who have found the ‘mainstream’ sewage system to be beyond repair, fatberged beyond belief: and so we have retreated to some Tolkienesque England where Tom Bombadil rules and where the sediment of characters like Packham can be effectively treated in little underground chambers? Admittedly, the “treatment efficiency is only moderate”. Well, we are not in control of the system. We have only craft techniques. But we are doing the best we can.
Perhaps we should set up a ‘Septic Think Tank’, and appoint certain renowned and important public figures to form its senatorial board? How about Devi Sridhar, Susan Michie, Matt Hancock, Dominic Cummings, Chris Whitty, Tony Fauci to start with? We shall invite them for a champagne reception before leading them gently into an underground chamber made of recycled mRNA vaccine syringes, wind turbine blades and Ukraine flags where, hopefully, anaerobic digestion processes (or good reading material) will act on the solid and sordid prejudices which are clogging their enlightened skulls. We will not be able to drink the water which comes out of the tank, but at least these geniuses will be a bit less septical than before, their wastewater less harmful.
Is it any wonder that our civilisation is in a state when a children’s television presenter is arguing the case for science? Why bother with Chris Packham when one could have Iggle Piggle take care of the argument? Damn it, I want to hear Sooty and Sweep argue the toss on Gaza, and Tweedledum and Tweedledee on immigration. Biddy Baxter for PM! Bob Cratchit for President!
Perhaps children’s television stopped us all from growing up properly. Certainly it seems to have prevented Packham from growing up properly – though it seems to have made him the Attenborough of the younger generation. It is a bit alarming that the BBC could create these figures out of almost nothing; but I suppose the one consolation is that the broadening out of broadcast in our time means that there will never be such figures again.
Still, the sibilant Daily Septic suggestion is an interesting one. It might turn out to be Packham’s greatest contribution to civilisation.
Dr. James Alexander is a Professor in the Department of Political Science at Bilkent University in Turkey.
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