"Okay children, let's all pretend to be kamikaze pilots as a homage to my political career." First the good news. All schools will re-open in full in September, the Government has declared. No, really. They will. Now the bad news. They won't. At least, not if all schools are expected to comply with the voluminous and entirely pointless guidance the Government has issued today. The BBC has a summary and we're talking about a veritable forest of red tape. All entirely pointless, of course. Grouping children together in groups or "bubbles", one per class in primaries and one per year group in secondariesAvoiding contact in school between these groups, with separate starting, finishing, lunch and break timesAttendance compulsory with the threat of penalty finesTest and trace in place for schoolsRegular cleaning of hands, but masks not expected for pupils or staffThose with symptoms told to stay out of schoolNo big group events like school assemblies and arranging classrooms with forward facing desksSeparate groups on school buses and discouraging the use of public transportPupils will be expected to continue with all their GCSEs and A-levelsEmphasis on Maths and English in primaries and in Year 7 of secondaries Readers of lockdown sceptics may not know this, but I co-founded four schools and have been a Chair of Governors, a Chair of a ...