Ed West, the randy woman’s Peter Hitchens, has encouraged those of us who lean Right to “try to articulate what they believe“. He’s right of course, because so many in positions of power and influence have no comprehension of why conservatism is better than all other political offerings. They understandably think that conservatism is: Boris Johnson getting pissed in lockdown, Liz Truss “crashing the economy” or “far Right Faragism”. Perhaps we need to drop the name entirely and rebrand as… what? Radical romantics? Romantic realists? New Conservatives? Whatever happens to the Right over the next five years (at least) in opposition, we sensibles must be able to explain and build a conservatism that appeals beyond our own narrow groupings. Here’s my offering:
1 Conservatives are not seduced by the siren call to ‘change’. We have a deep memory of Lord Salisbury saying in 1879: “Whatever happens will be for the worse, and therefore it is in our interest that as little should happen as possible.” Perhaps we are lucky because we grew up in a family that loved us, somewhere beautiful and received a reasonable education. Because of this we see no need for things to change. And if family love, beautiful community and reasonable education have all fallen away, we yearn and strive for their return.
2 Conservatives participate in communities rather than seek to create better ones. We know that being part of community means storing the school fête toy stall in our lofts, restocking the refashioned phone box with books in such a way that the defibrillator is not blocked, attending PCC, owning a good pair of secateurs for the local “path clearance group”, visiting the elderly when they are ill and lonely, going to worship, organising lift shares, popping in, driving out with chainsaws to deal with a fallen tree, and on and on. We shire conservatives know that community flourishes and requires no interference from the state. We know that streets need not be strewn with litter, that people should be able to leave their doors unlocked, that children should be safe to play outside. Conservatives would like all people to experience the quiet wonders of a community living well together.
3 Conservatives limit their influence on others. We appreciate that supporting and caring for our family, our immediate and wider family, is our first and most important priority. Only if that is managed reasonably can we move on to supporting our community. If that is a flourishing concern we might attempt involvement in wider arenas. It is unlikely we will involve ourselves in foreign affairs pressure groups while the local football club is fundraising for new facilities.
4 Conservatives love beauty. We prefer cathedrals to tower blocks. We think new towns should be built to resemble Bath not Preston Bus Station. We prefer stone and bricks to concrete or cladding, and think everyone should have a garden and spend time outside in nature. Conservatives value beauty over “sustainability” or “affordability” and think everyone is deserving of living well. We look at one-bedroom ‘luxury’ apartments and shudder: what life does this offer we wonder, devoid of community, of fresh air, of grass? (And to those mumbling: but not everyone can afford to live like that, just Google Victorian Almshouses and see how we once attempted to treat those in need.)
5 Conservatism loves humour. While bashing this out, I received a WhatsApp from a chum, a senior exec at the BBC: “Why are young men interested in Reform, thought you might know?” I have three sons, so asked them: “Tell him, we love Nigel Farage’s spread on TikTok, he’s hilarious.” Can you imagine Yvette Cooper or Pat McFadden making anyone outside their close circle of comrades laugh? Possibly Angela “ginger growler” Rayner might be fun, but she’s going to have to get all serious now, so will suppress the best side of her character. True conservatives have none of this: they continue making jokes, taking the piss and messing about even when in high office. Who yet can beat Churchill’s joke: “But tomorrow, Madam, I shall be sober”? It is impossible for Chief Tool Starmer to contemplate such irreverent nonsense.
(And to those of you who are mumbling, “but running the country is no laughing matter”, I say: it should be. Merry England and all that: Elizabeth I vs the severe Spaniards, Cavaliers vs Puritans, the lovely Duchess of Richmond Ball before the Battle of Waterloo, Wipers Times vs The Hymn of Hate, all those ball jokes vs Hitler, Labour’s “Green Investment” vs Johnson’s spaffing money up the wall, and so on.)
6 Conservatism looks at the other side. We true conservatives dutifully dip into the Guardian, BBC News, New Statesman, Economist, New Yorker and all the other dross hoping to be persuaded of our error. We understand the other side, mull over their arguments and try to give the benefit of the doubt to their good intentions. Alas their ideology is wrong: like a tangerine blue with mould, we can’t contemplate eating it, but at least we picked it up, peeled it and realised it was definitely rotten inside. The Left never dreams of giving the other side a glance. I once suggested to aforementioned BBC exec that he listened to a podcast with Melanie Phillips. He laughed in my face.
7 Conservatives loathe war. Now this is tricky, because of Churchill and all that, but I think most true conservatives are still in deep mourning that the First World War should have happened. We have a sacred view of humanity, knowing either as believers or Tom-Holland-style-Christian-remnants that man is made in the image of God and should therefore not be sacrificed on the altar of another man’s ambition. It is for this reason we loathe Blair and Campbell, latterly Johnson and inevitably Lammy.
8 Conservatives prefer to solve our own problems. We are able to look life in the eye and realise it is impossible to get through without hardship, financial insecurity, ill-health, bereavement, loneliness and all manner of human calamities. But within these difficulties conservatives naturally reach for solutions that do not bother the state. We do not demand state funded child or elderly care, preferring to look after our own. We do not expect the Government to fund endless retirement cruises or childcare vouchers for the children of barristers. Regarding the NHS, we feel it would be better served it folk took some responsibility for their own health.
9 Conservatives have a brisk approach to child rearing: lots of love, lots of fresh air, lots of books. Our children are less likely to be diagnosed with a range of SEN or anxiety issues for we work on their strengths rather than lionise their weakness. We recoil at the labelling of children that reduces them to their weakest trait. We accept if we have an academic duffer, we seek to find what they are intelligent at, for we know that everyone has the spark of the divine within them and will be good at something.
10 Conservatives are not interested in identity, only action. We remember the line in the hymn: “And the creed and the colour and the name won’t matter.” Like Elizabeth I who refused to “make windows into men’s souls” we do not concern ourselves with others’ religions. We are colour blind, and judge others, if at all, only by their actions. Likewise, the sexual preferences of consenting adults are of no interest to us.
11 Conservatives cannot participate in a lie. We do not believe the lie that people can change sex. We do not believe the lie that Net Zero is either possible or desirable. We do not believe the lie that fields of solar or wind farms are “good for the environment” and nor do we believe that Ed Miliband’s plans for green energy will bring down energy prices. We do not believe the lie that the NHS is the envy of the world and must be protected at all costs. We do not believe the lie that mothers will automatically be happier with state funded childcare. We do not believe the lie that fathers are unnecessary. We do not believe the lie that more state funding is the answer to everything.
12 Conservatives admire high culture. While we might enjoy Love Island as much as the next teenage boy, we understand that profound and universal truths are to be found in the very best of art, music and literature. We recognise with Maya Angelou, who lovingly wrote about reading Jane Eyre while her mother fried corn cakes, that art and ideas are for everyone and do not need to be curated to suit different social or ethnic backgrounds. We long for more people to read Middlemarch and Anna Karenina and listen to Bach’s St. Matthew’s Passion and discover the truths found with the Psalms as translated by Coverdale. We are not elitist but seek to extend high culture to all.
13 Conservatives cherish the sign on C of E Church noticeboards: All Welcome. Quite the most conversative of all ideologies, we welcome all. We remember the parable of the vineyard workers, the “householder” who went out to recruit workers, paying them each a denarius regardless of whether hired at the first hour or the 11th. We recognise the grumbling of those who feel this is unfair – “These last have wrought but one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day.” But conservatives understand the deeper wisdom, that once here in Britain’s vineyard all are deserving of the same treatment. “So, the last shall be first, and the first last.” Conservatives are not the callous bastards of popular myth. We have a long and noble history of caring for the neediest in society. But our solutions are not benefits or free housing: but the denarii: honest wages for honest work.
Joanna Gray is a writer and confidence mentor.
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