The Daily Sceptic does not usually endorse commercial or investment opportunities, but this one is an exception. It’s simply too good to miss. At last, the global energy crisis has a credible, sustainable solution.
The radical new technology – an ingenious fusion of biochemistry and physics – has the capacity to provide zero-emission locomotive as well as static energy for the entire planet at only 0.8 cents per kilowatt-hour. I kid you not. It’s the real deal. You can trust me on this.
After almost a decade of intensive research at the gleaming laboratories of the Grand Academy of Lagardo, conducted in the greatest secrecy (we didn’t want the Chinese stealing the technology), we are at last ready to go public. Within less than a decade, when the first Small Modular Uplift Generator rolls off the production line at our Terafactory (formerly known as Texas) to the chink of decarbonised champagne glasses, all existing forms of energy generation and supply will have become entirely redundant overnight.
His Majesty’s Government, via the Sustainable Transition Unlimited Potential Industrial Development fund administered by the Department of Energy and Net Zero, provided the initial $4 billion in seed capital to get this radical and exciting new technology market-ready.
Inflation-Reduction-Act funding of $100 billion a year has been guaranteed by the U.S. Treasury. The Bill Gates Foundation has chipped in $40 billion. Elon Musk has taken a 3% stake for $50 billion. But we don’t want this to be an exclusively big-bucks project. Here, then, is your chance to get some penny shares while they are still affordable.
Market cap of the We Intend ZerO corporation is already well above $1.5 trillion. We are now at last permitted to go public, for we have just been notified that we will be listed next week on NASDAQ under the tetragrammaton WIZO. Readers of the Daily Sceptic are the first to know. We are letting you in on the ground floor. You’ll thank me, you really will.
Recently one of my noble friends, Lord Swift of Wetwang, sent his learned clerk, Mr. Gulliver, to the Grand Academy to report on our research, conducted under the able direction of Professor Sir Gradely Champion, PhD (Oxon.), FRS:
The first man I saw [the Professor] was of a meagre aspect, with sooty hands and face, his hair and beard long, ragged and singed in several places. His clothes, shirt and skin were all of the same colour. He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in warm, inclement summers. He told me he did not doubt, in eight years more, that he should be able to supply the Governor’s gardens with sunshine at a reasonable rate; but he complained that his stock was very low, and entreated me “to give him something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear season for cucumbers”. I made him a small present, for my lord had furnished me with money on purpose, because he knew their practice of begging from all who go to see them.
Now, you may think this is all a joke. How can one get two sunshines’ worth of energy out of only one sunshine and a cucumber? Doesn’t that violate the laws of thermodynamics? Isn’t it a perpetual motion machine? Doing the sums on the back of an envelope, it looks to me, Monckton, as though you’re saying you could get seeds from the first cucumber and plant them and then get two sunshines’ worth of energy out of each new cucumber. Surely that’s impossible?
We often hear this from investors at first. But, as the Professor explains in his peer-reviewed paper on the subject, the law of physics that you can’t get summat from nowt (or, as he colourfully puts it, “nowt for nowt and b*gger all for sixpence”) simply does not apply where one is using crossover tech between the radiative physics of sunlight and the physical biochemistry of chlorophyll fluorescence in photosynthesis. It’s all a matter of the metabolic pathways, as every schoolboy knows. I mean, try it for yourself.
As head of marketing for WIZO, I can assure you that our business model is identical to that of many previous startups that achieved major market caps. Take Arrival, an exciting British startup of 2021. The brilliant idea behind Arrival was that White Van Man, with his mullet, his fake gold chain, his baggy Chinese Levi knockoffs and his Converse All-Stars, had not yet joined the mass movement towards Net Zero and ought to be brought into line.
So Arrival had what you can see was an idea almost as brilliant as ours. Its directors decided that it should use reliable, century-old technology for powering milk-floats with electricity, fitting white vans not with real engines but with enormous, heavy batteries whose sheer weight would help to improve the van’s grip on Britain’s slippery roads – an important health and safety improvement given White Van Man’s reputation for bad driving.
The first, crucial step in this field of research, of course, is to get AU to generate a shiny-looking image of what the finished product might look line. Arrival did this beautifully, as you can see, though perhaps they might have added a little color:
Next, the marketing team planted a series of stories in willing news media. Here are a few:
- March 2021: ‘Federal policies, local production – Arrival is meeting the American moment‘
- April 2021: ‘Mindful sustainability – for a clean, circular and equitable future‘
- July 2021: ‘Making Safety Equitable‘
- July 2021: ‘Anaheim PTO partners with Arrival to secure a $2 million Clean Vehicle Grant‘
- August 2021: ‘Arrival’s autonomous driving technology achieves major AU advancement‘
- August 2021: ‘Arrival co-developing its Automotive Open Data Platform with Microsoft‘
- October 2021: ‘UPS and DP World delivering world-first Electric vehicles charged using off-grid solar power at Expo 2020 Dubai‘
- October 2021: ‘Arrival hand-picked by UK Government to showcase at exclusive Global Investment Summit in London‘
- November 2021: ‘Arrival aims to transform fleet servicing with Global Service Network Programme‘
- December 2021: ‘Arrival reveals its first Electric Car designed to transform the global ride-hailing industry‘
- December 2021: ‘Arrival begins proving ground trials of its electric Bus‘
- May 2022: ‘Arrival achieves EU bus certification milestone‘
- June 2022: ‘Arrival produces first production verification van in Microfactory‘
What a roaring success! By this stage, Arrival’s market cap was $15 billion. It had not sold a single vehicle, but who needs to, these days? That business model is way out of date.
By January 2023, it became plain that, because Arrival had not yet adopted WIZO’s Small Modular Uplift Generators, it was not going to be able to compete in the ever-more-competitive market for electric buggies. From then on, the headlines were different in tone:
- January 2023: ‘EV company Arrival to cut workforce by 50% in third restructuring effort‘
- February 2023: ‘Arrival announces a $50 million equity capital commitment and exchanges $121.9 million of debt for equity‘
- March 2023: ‘Arrival announces $300 million equity financing line and provides 2023 outlook‘
- April 2023: ‘Arrival advances U.S. commercialisation plans through business combination with Kensington Capital Acquisition Corp‘
- May 2023: ‘Arrival reports first quarter 2023 business update‘
- June 2023: ‘Arrival to convert Antara’s $20 million loan into equity‘
- July 2023: ‘Arrival and Kensington Capital Acquisition Corp. agreed to terminate business combination agreement‘
- July 2023: ‘Nasdaq grants Arrival required extension to file its annual report on Form 20-F‘
- August 2023: ‘Arrival to report second-quarter 2023 business updates in early September 2023‘
- September 2023: ‘Arrival’s secured bridge financing accelerated and terminated‘
- September 2023: ‘Arrival reaches agreement with lender on exit fee‘
- November 2023: ‘Notice of delisting or failure to satisfy a continued listing rule or standard‘
- January 2024: ‘Arrival receives Nasdaq notification of non-compliance with listing rules 5250(c)(2) and 5620(a)‘
- January 2024: ‘3.8 times around the Earth. Van trials 2023 results‘
- January 2024: ‘EV maker Arrival’s shares slump on Nasdaq delisting notice‘
- February 2024: ‘Electric van maker Arrival calls in administrator for U.K. arm‘
By this stage, you may well have deduced that Arrival was an invention, complete with its own bogus website.
Unfortunately, like so many other gee-whiz startups in the Clean Green Circular Mindful Ongoing Sustainable Equitable Crossover Meeting-the-Moment Transformative Open-Data Modular Showcase Global Energy Transition Synergy Partnership Sector, Arrival was a genuine attempt at a corporation. Like far too many others of its kind, from Solyndra via Virgin Hyperloop One to Britishvolt, Arrival gobbled up billions and spat out nothing before disappearing up its own tailpipe. Just another example of Lomborg’s Law: green investment is neither green nor an investment.
But WIZO is different. It really is. Truly. Cross my fingers and hope to get away with it. Let me end with the statutory warning before you send me your very large check: “Investments can go up, and up, and up, as well as up.”
This article was first published by Watts Up With That?
To join in with the discussion please make a donation to The Daily Sceptic.
Profanity and abuse will be removed and may lead to a permanent ban.
The activities of this and many other large businesses has strayed into political campaigning. If it was any good at its job ElCom would call for registration and reports from them as political campaigning is a controlled activity.
When there is even a single political party that does not support the narrative of the Westminster parties, such campaigns are party political and should be limited according to the law.
Hear, hear.
One proviso – Elcom are absolutely useless and as an official of a minor political party I know of what I speak.
It’s political if it’s trying to change the opinion of someone on anything. Buy TOFU because it tastes great and looks really good! is a pure commercial, Buy TOFU to help Israel to fight Arabian terrorists (to be replaced with Buy TOFU to help the Palestinians to drive off the foreign invaders in muslim countries) is a political statement, despite the plan is to sell more TOFU in both cases.
This bank is 39% owned by the tax payer and thus you would think the Government has a duty to hold the senior management to account for their blatant engagement in spying on their customers and engagement in woke and green politics. But we know the Tories won’t reprimand them as they are comfortable with spying on us all and committed to the Net Zero scam too.
It is NOT just a matter for the Government to act in loco UK taxpayers, even if it could participate in AGMs as a competent entity with a “shareholding” ; there is a clear, if only potential, conflict of interest in that the Government with an 80 seat and declining majority makes the/any Law which may impact NatWest….legal challenges would surely result?
The much bigger issue, IMHO, is The Faded Rose’s actions as CEO of an FCA/PRA regulated business – how and by whom is she being/was she held to account? The Board; Nope – expressed total confidence in her and then endorsed her resignation; instigated an independent enquiry in NF’s debunking from a Legal firm with anti Brexit “form” at the top which SHOULD have removed them from the candidates ( difficult if only one…) or seen that firm recuse themselves if they had a developed professionally ethical compass. Their Phase 1 conclusion that NF’s debunking was due to “commercial” reasons is …interesting; if a multi phase review concludes at Phase 1 “nothing to see”, what the hell are they reviewing in Phase 2, 3, 4…..?
No, the FCA is the competent authority to scrutinise her actions, and those of her employer ( If she was a member of ANY professional body with a Code of Conduct, they would be also)
Ms Rose admitted to a a breach of client confidentiality; she held several Senior Manager functions (SMF) with NatWest but crucially with Coutts – all of which were subject to significantly higher scrutiny by the FCA. SMF compliance was/is much much more stringent than ordinary, non SMF mortals especially since the FCA removed individual “regularity approval” to work in an FCA regulated business ( that decision was devolved to……..the employer……very problematical IMHO ) She had to be an FCA “approved person” to hold these positions…..see here but be warned it is a labyrinth: https://www.fca.org.uk/firms/approved-persons/senior-management-functions; how can her admitted indiscretion not attract that “approval” process..?
The FCA issued an initial whitewash to a crescendo of criticism – not heard anything since then*. If her membership of the NAtWest Group’s pension scheme has a “lien” clause – to enable any losses incurred by the employer through “negligent acts or omissions” by the employee (very unlikely but not unknown) – who is going to check that out? Perhaps the Board might ask the Trustees because of this gobsmacking revelation but somehow I do not think that is going to happen:
““While no bank, building society or payment firm reported to us that they had closed accounts primarily due to someone’s political views, further work is needed for us to be sure,” said FCA boss Nikhil Rathi.”*
That statement would be laughable if it was not so damned serious by implication. Meanwhile Dame Rose appears to be being considered to be rewarded for deliberate breaking of regulations prescribed by law……and which appear to be endorsed, at the time by the Board under Howard Davies…an ex FSA Chairman.
Can “it” get any worse?
Thank-you for that valuable insight into the regulatory aspect of this issue. More homework for me!
Thanks for this.
“The bank’s app asks its users to try adding tofu and lentils to their diets as substitutes for eating meat.”
Lentils are good for greening the planet as they turn the eater in to a fart factory as do most pulses. I’m not sure about tofu. I have only tried it once but it is disgusting. I am not a fussy eater and am known as someone who doesn’t let much passed the pot.
Doubtless Nut West have failed to understand the gas stoking attributes of pulses and legumes.
It’s funny.
Methane is a greenhouse gas too. No smoking.
That should be (some) people employed by NatWest abuse a position which enables them to access customer data for (commerical self-interest driven) political preaching.
Quite. NatWest users: is it possible to decline this spying?
That’s a good question. If this is UCE¹, sending it should be illegal. OTOH, there’s probably a If you don’t want to be informed about Really Important Stuff™, uncheck this box control somewhere. Don’t install the app likely works, too.
¹ unsolicited commercial e-mail
It seems that, at the minute, this is a function on the App that customers have the option of using which is fine, although “right on” eco-worriers will no doubt already be doing most if not all of the things the App suggests. If/when it becomes impossible to opt out of being sent this propaganda is the time to worry about it. Until then if NatWest want to send out this kind of advice to people who want to waste their time reading it I don’t see the problem.
Like MPs the only thing these immensely arrogant people/corporations understand is rejection of them at the ballot box or their product. Just a suggestion- Switch to another bank and collect £200 and donate the money to organisations like DS and TCW who give expose to the liberty threatening politicisation of industry.
This politicisation of corporations has Larry Finks and others in the Investment bank industry all over it.
Start with moneysupermarket for a list of offers.
I wish I banked with them, so I could leave indignantly.
Where would you go?
Well done far as I’m aware my bank don’t do this yet, although the sheep effect means it’s probably only a matter of time
Lloyds or 1st Direct will give you £175 if you switch to them, it’s so easy to do.
Telling people to repair broken electronic devices themselves is not sensible advice unless they know what they are doing. Plant based alternatives to milk are not ‘eco’, if you care about that sort of thing. Thousands of acres of almond trees, necessarily expensively processed, just so middle class hypocrites can pretend they are doing something to ‘save the planet’ by drinking almond milk. In actual fact such extensive mono-culture (plus the exploitation of the low paid labourers needed to care for the trees) is damaging to the environment and prevents more useful food crops being grown. All these milk alternatives are expensive to produce, and some of them are no better than drinking a can of coke, the sugar content is so high. What could be easier than just squeezing a cows teat and getting a drink of milk instantly – if a bit warm maybe!
Exactly.
Just more processed crap food. But natural unadulterated products aren’t conducive to the health of pharma & corporate bank balances.
What’s a bit of hypocrisy between friends if “you’re saving the planet”?
NatWest is doing a grand job of alienating customers this year – first the Farago and now this.
My wife worked for them and hated it.
My son tried to get an overdraft for a start-up and was told his business plan was unrealistic. He exceeded the first year t/o prediction and now owns several businesses employing 70+ people and is quite a rich young man. Santander were the beneficiaries.
Another reason for using cash only, I guess.
Repairing electronics devices? They are designed to be unrepairable. eg laptops, that used to have removable batteries, but no longer have that. Why are plant based products more enviromentally friendly than meat based products? Ploughing grassland releases the carbon from the grass, and grazing animals are important in conservation. Anyway, Natwest need to persuade places to China, India, Russia etc etc to adopt dramatic CO2 cutting – they won’t has they realise it is ecominc suicide. So that means the West will (try to) cut out CO2, committing economic suicide, and make diddly squat difference to the planet. I know, why don’t they ban smart phones as they must use up loads more energy that the old phones? Mm I suspect not as they don’t suit the agenda.
It isn’t any banks business to interfere in our shopping habits. They are there to do banking. I don’t need Greta Thunberg as my bank manager.
Here is an idea for NatWest. As they are so keen to provide information about carbon footprints, could they please provide the carbon footprints of their board of directors and their top management. As a benchmark.
That way when they show each custoner’s “footprint”, the customer can compare it against that of the NatWest board members and the top management. And if it’s less, which it probably is, then they can sit tight and not change anything until people with a bigger “footprint” sort that out first.
Who gets sued when you try to repair an electronic device yourself and electrocute yourself or set fire to your home?
“NatWest is telling customers to stop eating meat…”
If I may…
NatWest is telling customers to stop banking with them if they’ve got any sense.
De-bank them of your custom, like any other provider trying to pull this sort of woke nonsense.
Aside from the creepy, invasive data-scraping for social credit score reasons, unevidenced and blatantly propagandised ideology and dietary suggestions to people who might not actually be able to be vegetarian (yes, that is a thing) – I wonder what commercial food and clothing retailers, airlines and travel companies think of this and the consquences for their profit margins?
Use cash and they won’t know where you spent it
leaflet to print at home and deliver to neighbours or forward to politicians, media, friends online.
They have lost sight of profitability. I wonder who their shareholders are? Let’s all be bloody stupid and get £10m golden goodbyes.
This is the kind of thing I see in my local newspaper every week which has simply become a party political broadcast for the GREEN party. Last week they were advising us all not to buy a new lawnmower next spring but instead to borrow one from a neighbour down the street. I can imagine the look on Mr Smith’s face when I knock in his door to ask for a loan his mower all summer so I can “save the planet”. I am also pretty sure that the company not far from me that sells mowers and garden equipment will not be too happy that the local paper is trying to put them out of business by encouraging us all not to buy their products. This Environmental and Social Governance (ESG) that has seeped into government and corporations is a diabolical disgrace. Nat West like many other big businesses have decided to impose Eco Communism on us all and only by waking up to this tyranny and removing savings from them will they learn we will not tolerate this. ——At the moment we seem to be doing just that though. But let’s see how woke all these people are when their sales and profits drop like a stone, and they will U turn like all cowrads do. eg Disney with their Snow White Wokery holding back the film till they review their “inclusive” crap because they fear losing money big style.
Bankers – the first letter should be replaced by the second letter in the qwerty keyboard.
I’ve moved a big chunk of my money out of Natwest exactly because of this. their Sinister app measures your spending in “Carbon Foot print ” & if you opt out, it still calculates it n the background. It’s 1984 Banking
I wouldn’t mind being advised on how to reduce environmental harm but only if it’s an opt in option though I prefer to make my own mind up about this from more reliable sources than a bank! I’m more concerned with the illegal and immoral breach of privacy of Rose et al, compounded by her being up for a.huge bonus, plus the lack of an overhaul of other NE personnel involved in this scandal. It seems like confirmations if needed that it’s one rule for them another for us.